Out of Mind by Jen McLaughlin
Reaching for sunlight...
Finn survived the ambush and came home to me, but in his head, the battle is still raging. He’s falling apart and I’m trying my best to pick up the pieces of him, to find the us we used to be. I love him as much as I ever did, but love isn’t enough to fix this. I thought telling my father about our relationship would be the hardest thing we’d ever have to face. I was wrong.
Lost in shadows...
All I wanted was to be worthy of Carrie. One mission, just one, and I’d be able to give her the future she deserved. Then everything went wrong, leaving me tainted and broken. Carrie wants me to be who I was, but all that’s left is what they made of me. I’m no good for her. No good for anyone like this. I have to figure out how to move forward. Alone.
Sometimes love isn’t enough…
”No one will love you like I do Ginger. I always have. I always will. Even if you hate me for the rest of you long, healthy life. I’ll still love you forever. I don’t know how to stop. I can’t.”
This is the final conclusion to Finn and Carrie’s book. In order to understand this one, you must first read Out of Line and Out of Time.
I have waited not so patiently since out of Line for this book to be released and Ms. McLaughlin does a fantastic job bringing this book to a close. It will definitely break your heart, she takes you on a whirlwind rollercoaster ride, but in the end she will give you the closure that you fully need. And when the time comes, it’s sad to say goodbye to the gang we’ve come to slowly know and grow to love. Keep the tissues handy, you’re going to need them for this one….
“Don’t let me die…Please don’t let me die…”
Finn…he makes the biggest sacrifice and leaves Carrie for a few months to help better their future, and to kind of prove something to her father you could say. But the one thing they didn’t predict was for him to get hurt beyond physical damage. He watched his entire squad die in front of his very eyes and he was the only survivor. Why was he the only one left living? Why didn’t he die too? He should have died with them. The pain is eating him alive. The flashbacks haunt him daily. The guilt of living a life without them. The nightmares wake him every time he closes his eyes. He is suffering the worst kinds of PTSD and doesn’t want to seek help but is instead drowning his pain with meds and alcohol. They numb him, but they don’t make the pain go away.
“You and me against the world.”
Carrie is always at his side, never leaving it. Running in late at night whenever he has those nightmares to help calm him, just sitting there silently holding his hand. Carrie is there. She tries to give him enough space to let him breathe, but she wants him to know that nothing will stop her from being there for him. Her feelings for him have not changed, if not, they’ve only gotten stronger. But she can’t help but feel that he’s pulling away from her. Something is off.
Finn can’t help but feel guilty for the way he is treating Carrie. He loves her deeply, he really does. But he feels he’s come back a different person now. He feels he’s broken and doesn’t deserved to be loved. Finn has the mentality that he should have died along right with his fellow soldiers and the demons are haunting him daily because he survived. He has been harsh on Carrie and she doesn’t deserve any of it and he knows it. He doesn’t look the same and he feels that she won’t love him just as she used to. She’ll look at him differently. Being with him will become too much of a burden and he doesn’t want to put that weight on her. Never not once has she given him any doubt that she loves him any less. If anything, her actions has shown him that she loves him more for being brave enough to sacrifice everything for her.
“And if not, well, you can still hold me. That’s all I need to be happy. Your arms around me, and us together. Fighting as a team.” ~Carrie
Carrie carries around her own guilt about this. She feels that none of this would have been her fault if she didn’t let him go away. He wouldn’t have gotten hurt if they didn’t have to prove anything to her father. All she could do now is be there for her brave soldier and help him heal. Carrie and her family try to get him help but he constantly refuses.
Carrie has been friends with Riley and its making Finn realize that she needs a guy like him around instead of someone broken like him. Riley comes from Carrie’s background and they’ve known each other for quite some time. He actually had a friend who went through the same thing that Finn went through so he’s been very supportive of Carrie and helping her understand things. Though, they have a mutual agreement that nothing will happen between them, it’s a friends only zone. Finn feels that Carrie deserves a guy to take care of her and Riley could definitely do that.
Finn’s world hits rock bottom when the unexpected happens. He feels completely lost. The one person he could always depend on is gone. Everyone he loves taken from him. All he is thinking is that he should have died with them. Carrie will never love him again. He isn’t capable of loving again. He isn’t worthy of it. He is too broken and can’t be fixed. Carrie deserves better. He must let Carrie go…She doesn’t deserve me, no one does.
Will Finn be able to get the help he needs to get better? Will he be able to face the demons of PTSD? Can Finn love himself again? Can Finn pick up the pieces of his life? Will Finn find his way back to Carrie?? Will their love be strong enough to find their way back together? Or will Carrie have moved on Will Carrie be able to forgive and understand Finn for what he did? Will they get their happy ever after?
"The sun is finally shining."
My heart just breaks for both of these two….Finn is so broken. He doesn’t know what to do or how to even accept help and Carrie just wants to do anything to make his pain go away. But I understood completely why Finn had to do what he did. He needed to let Carrie go in order to fully heal himself. Finn was completely broken that that’s what he needed in order to move on. Carrie’s strength through it all was amazing. She never once gave up on Finn. She fought and fought until the bitter end, even when Finn gave up on himself. This book was exactly what this series needed for an ending. However, it’s sad to say goodbye to both Finn and Carrie. I’ve followed their journey from their beginning and I’ve become pretty attached to them. Great job Ms McLauglin with showing us a glimpse of how one can be traumatically affected by PTSD by going away as well as their loved ones and how they can get through it. I can’t wait for Hernandez and Marie to get their own book..
OUT OF LINE (Book #1)
Amazon - http://amzn.to/17HLrFu
B&N - http://bit.ly/17hfkvi
OUT OF TIME (Book #2)
Amazon - http://amzn.to/1daxXYL
B&N - http://bit.ly/1g7hPas
OUT OF MIND (Book #3)
Amazon - http://amzn.to/1lqa3cw
B&N - http://bit.ly/1mSkmpP
Jen McLaughlin is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. She writes steamy New Adult books for the young and young at heart. Her first release, Out of Line, came out September 2013. She also writes bestselling Contemporary Romance under the pen name Diane Alberts.Since receiving her first contract offer under the pen name Diane Alberts, she has yet to stop writing. She is represented by Louise Fury at The Bent Agency.
Though she lives in the mountains, she really wishes she was surrounded by a hot, sunny beach with crystal clear water. She lives in Northeast Pennsylvania with her four kids, a husband, a schnauzer mutt, a cat, and a Senegal parrot. In the rare moments when she’s not writing, she can usually be found hunched over one knitting project or another. Her goal is to write so many well-crafted romance books that even a non-romance reader will know her name.
Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/DianeAlberts6
Jen is giving away a FINN necklace and a signed set of the OUT OF LINE series. US Only.