A few days ago my daughter had an accident, which left her in a lot of pain. I've spent these past few days holding her and not doing much else. I was able to hold my kindle & her at the same time. I couldn't concentrate on work, so I decided to read to take my mind off of everything. I choose to read Losing Hope.
I was impressed with how Ms. Hoover handled such delicate subjects in Hopeless. I was even more impressed with Losing Hope. If you read Heather's review you know that it's written from Holder's POV. Yes, it is probably the best alternate POV I've read. I loved seeing the relationship and struggles through Holder's eyes.
However, that isn't what I want to focus on. Writers often tackle unpleasant subjects. These books address one of the worst, sexual abuse of children. I'm sure as a social worker Ms. Hoover saw many of these cases. The repercussions of these cases last for years. The physical wounds heal, maybe even leave scars, but the emotional toll is too vast to calculate. Often they last the rest of a person's life.
I hope if you have had this happen to you that you don't give up hope and the will to fight. There are people to help you. No, the things you experience will probably never go away completely, but you can still have a great life. It probably won't be easy, and it definitely won't be fair, but you can be successful.
Yes, I speak from experience. I know what it is to not want to be close to anyone. Years later and I still can't stand to be touched while I'm sleeping. I choose to not be a victim. I choose not to be a survivor. I choose to not let one sick individual define my life. There are days that I'm still angry. There are times I wish for punishment. I will never say I've forgiven my abuser. Those days and moments have become fewer and fewer as I separate someone else's actions from what makes me me.
If you are going through this situation or have gone through it, please reach out for help. Keep reaching until you get the help you need. There is someone out there. Abusers use their targets shame and fear against them to keep them quiet. Remember you have nothing to be ashamed of or fear from telling the truth. Take your power back. Once you realize that you aren't the reason this has happened to you abusers will have a harder time manipulating the circumstances to control you.
Children are very "me" centered. It is easy for abusers to manipulate children into thinking they are to blame for an adults actions. As a parent don't fear every person who comes in contact with your child, but be cautious. Keep an open dialog with your child. Let them know that you are there to listen to them over & over again. Listen to what your child doesn't say.
Thank you to Ms. Hoover for opening a dialog. If one person opens this book and reaches out for help it would be better than any #1 spot on any book list.
I was given an ARC for an honest review, but I also bought a copy.
Sincerely,
Liz
A single tear is rolling down my cheek as I type this. A touching post referring to an amazingly heart wrenching but beautiful book of survival. You are so right Liz, the memories, the anger and self blame occurs less and less frequently once you speak out be it to a friend, parent or professional. It's important to know that the abuse happened to you but you're not to blame. I spoke out twenty plus years after my childhood abuse and I still have moments that my heart just hurts for what was taken from me but I have now learnt that the actions of my past do not predict my future. I applaud Colleen Hoover on a magnificent book that speaks the voice of so many of us.
ReplyDeleteVery poignant post, Liz. It can't be easy to share a story like this. I hope your honest and difficult words reached the right person and I hope that person is reaching out for help right now.
ReplyDelete